Deborah Laforet Genesis 29:15-28

July 24, 2005 Roman 8:26-39

Sighs Too Deep for Words

Going away to university was a time of big change for me. I grew up in a very small farming community, and during my final year of high school, I decided to move away from home and go to university in Livonia, MI, which is a suburb of Detroit. I don’t remember why, but it was very important for me to move away and be on my own.

During my first couple of years, I was exposed to a different life. There were many students in the dormitory who were hearing impaired or deaf. The school offered courses in sign language and catered to the hearing impaired. The friends I made were hearing impaired and most of them were from Ontario. At the time, Ontario financially supported their hearing impaired residents at this university. I also had my first boyfriend in university. I went through the roller coaster ride of a new relationship. Also, because I was away from home and experiencing a new environment, I began to see my home and my family differently. I was able to look at my family more objectively. During this time in university, I was finally able to grieve the death of my father. After my father died when I was eight, my family moved on without him, to the point where it was like he had never been there. Moving away from home and finding a special someone to support me, helped me to finally grieve for the loss of my father.

One other change that occurred was my faith in God. During this time of tumultuous beginnings and new experiences, I began to question my belief in God. I began to explore some writings from some radical thinkers. I questioned the existence of Jesus. I questioned whether I was a Christian anymore. I had never questioned before, so this was a scary time for me. When my significant other, who is my partner today, Jeff, and I decided to get married, I wasn’t sure that getting married in a church was a good idea. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I could not stand in a house of God and make vows that I didn’t believe in. Jeff and I were both Catholic. One of the reasons we got married in a United Church was because the Catholic Church wanted us to promise more than I could at the time.

Was God with me during this time when I was so distant and was practically pushing myself away from God? In Paul’s letter to the Romans, Paul writes, “…the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.” Paul was sure that even during those times when we can’t pray or when we are distant from God, that the Spirit is there. The Spirit is there to pray with us and for us. The Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. It’s a beautiful phrase. It caught my imagination immediately. Have you every heard a sigh like that, so full of its own meaning. Too full of meaning to put into words. I imagine the Spirit’s sighs as full of compassion and longing for us. I imagine the Spirit’s sighs are full of a love we couldn’t comprehend.

In the past few weeks, we have been hearing the stories of Abraham and Sarah, of Isaac and Rebecca, and last week we heard about their son Jacob, who was fleeing from home. Jacob left home because he had deceived his father and brother and was afraid of his brother’s wrath. I may not have been running for my life, but I think, in a way, that I was fleeing from home too. Jacob had a dream. He had a dream that God had a great destiny planned for him. Jacob was fortunate to have the reassurance that God was with him on his journey. Did the dream help though? He had deceived his father into giving him a blessing. Because of this, Jacob probably carried a lot of guilt with this blessing. God told him that he had been chosen, but where did that leave his brother? How badly had he hurt his brother? What had he gained from his deceit?

Then in today’s story, he is tricked by his uncle into being his uncle’s servant for fourteen years in return for marriage to the woman he loves. Where was God for Jacob? Did Jacob, at this time of his life, question his faith? Jacob, like me and like many others, had moved away from home and family, and was experiencing a different life. A life of hardship and struggle. Did he begin to question the God of his father and mother, the god of his grandparents Abraham and Sarah?

Jacob had been given a vision in a dream though. Jacob wouldn’t have had the benefit of the assurances of Paul, but God came before him in a dream, maybe with a sigh too deep for words. God gave Jacob a promise. It may have been the one thing that he held on to during this time of his life.

When I questioned my faith in university, I made a conscious decision to keep exploring. I did not give up on God, partly, because I believed that God would not give up on me. I did have the benefit of being raised with the words of Paul. I had the assurance of Scripture and my upbringing in the Church that I was loved by God. Unlike Jacob, I had many options when I began to question, the United Church being one of them.

Many young people begin questioning their faith when they move away from home and begin opening their minds to new ways of thinking. The struggle with our faith though can happen at many other times too. Usually it happens at significant points or junctures in our lives. I have a friend who went to Africa a couple of years ago. It changed his whole outlook on life. I know many people who have lost loved ones and have completely changed their lives in order to move on. The birth of a child for most parents creates a whole new way of living.

Some of us, like Jacob, hurt those we care about. Jacob betrayed his family and ran away from home. Maybe, in a way, he felt he deserved to be mistreated by Laban. Don’t get me wrong. Jacob was also deceitful in his dealings with Laban, but no matter what he did, no matter how far away from God he felt, God never abandoned him. No matter what we do, whether we deceive others, whether our guilt and shame cause us to hide from God, whether we question if God even exists, God never abandons us. Jacob was special. He was blessed by God. I believe we are all blessed by God. Each one of us is special. “The Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.” The Spirit intercedes which means the Spirit is a mediator. Mediators only work though if both sides are willing to work together. It’s up to us to believe that we are special and that we are loved no matter what we do. It is up to us to accept the blessing from God. It is up to us to embrace God.

In Paul’s letter, he told the Romans this: “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.” Amen.