St Paul’s United Church Sunday, September 4, 2005

Getting Along As Christians– Rev. David Mundy

Romans 13:8-14 Matthew 18:15-20

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She was a godsend, as church secretaries and administrators usually are. I was the youngest “senior” minister the busy congregation had every called and in my first months I struggled to keep my head above water. She was the person who threw me the life preserver. As I found my way forward, she was sometimes very blunt in her opinions but always supportive.

Several years into my pastorate I noticed that she was getting thin – we all did – and she seemed to have less energy. Then she broke the news – she had cancer. I returned from vacation to discover that she was in hospital and as it turned out she would never return home.

We supported her as best we could, but there was a major impediment. For some reason her husband, a gruff and opinionated man, decided that she was too ill to receive visitors and ordered friends and co-workers to stay away from her hospital room. We ignored him! We established his pattern for spending time with her and then slipped in for a brief conversation and a prayer when he wasn’t there. She was always grateful for our visits.

Late one evening I got a phone call from our pastoral care minister. She had stopped in at the hospital and was sure that our friend was close to death. Would I come? Together we reassured her of our love and read a psalm and prayed. In the morning we received word that she had died peacefully during the night.

I made a mistake when I met with the family the next day. I let them know of our nocturnal visit, as a way of offering reassurance that she left this world with the comfort of God’s blessing. Although her husband contained himself in the moment and through the funeral he was furious. From that point on he would come to church and mutter criticisms throughout the service. He would slip out the door to avoid speaking to me and on the street he would walk by without acknowledgement. His friends were embarrassed by his churlishness and it was certainly uncomfortable for me. It’s hard to imagine why he continued to come to church, other than that he was waiting for me to leave!

It was not the first time, nor the last that a member of a congregation had decided that I was an enemy and even with concerted efforts at reconciliation the rifts were not healed. What has always perplexed me is that some people who have a right to be angry with me because of my sins of omission or commission have shown remarkable grace and understanding. Often the grumpy ones seem to have no real reason to act the way they do.

How are we supposed to “get along” in the church? It doesn’t seem like a very complex or theological question, does it? Yet the answer is so important to how we live together in harmony and how we are perceived by those who observe us from the outside.

This morning we listened to two passages of scripture which help us answer or least address that question. In the gospel lesson we hear Jesus offer specific instructions on repairing relationships when they are broken, although this story is puzzling. There was no “church” during Jesus’ lifetime. The word was not employed until sometime later, and the structural formality and severity of this teaching doesn’t seem consistent with what we know of Jesus.

We need to keep in mind that the gospels were written many years after Jesus’ death and resurrection, when there were young Christian communities trying to figure out how to live in harmony. It may be that the gospel writer extended what Jesus had taught on “getting along” to include a process for restoration when relationships were damaged. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus does say “if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled . . . ”

In Matthew we are given an actual process. First of all, make an effort to sort out problems one-on-one. If necessary, involve a couple of others so that everyone gets the story is straight. The last resort is to take a dispute to the congregation as a whole with the most drastic measure being excommunication –kicking out troublemakers. It’s important to know that this rather formal approach is found between the parable of the lost sheep that is sought by its shepherd and one of the best-known passages on forgiveness. In the larger context we are encouraged to listen to one another and do everything possible through our resources and God’s intervention to restore relationships that have been damaged.

Again I’ll ask, is it important to get along as Christians? Not only am I convinced that most of us would say “yes,” I am reasonably sure that we would agree that we should love one another as Christ has loved us. If you asked folk from virtually any Christian tradition about the central Christian message the response would be “love,” the love of God manifested in the person of Jesus. Conservative, liberal, Catholic, Protestant, Holy-roller, Smells-n’-bells, we would all claim that love is the keystone of Christianity. There is a problem though. Love is fairly straightforward as long as we don’t have to deal with people! We learn over time that while love is an emotion, if it also a practice which isn’t necessarily easy.

Perhaps that’s why Paul says in his letter to the church in Rome that believers are to “Owe no one anything, except to love one another: for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” The Ten Commandants are important Paul says, but “Love your neighbour as yourself” is essential. Of course this is what Jesus taught. It’s interesting that not once but twice in this passage Paul says that loving our neighbour fulfills the law, rather than the grace of God. Maybe it’s because there are times when we just have to grit our teeth and act in ways that don’t feel all that lovey-dovey.

Years ago a parishioner told me that her solution for making her children get along when they quarrelled. She would sit them on the sofa and make them hold hands until they “buried the hatchet.” It worked like a charm. Being forced to act in a loving way when they just weren’t feeling the love was worse than any form of punishment in their eyes!

I’m not suggesting that church members are childish, but there are times when we don’t demonstrate much in the way of maturity. We can be as petty and combative as little kids. I know of congregations where people haven’t spoken to one another in years over who is entitled to a key to the kitchen cupboards.

Fortunately St Paul’s is not like that. Earlier this summer a member of St. Paul’s asked me what I thought of this bunch after a couple of years here. Without hesitation I told him that it is the friendliest congregation I have pastored through the years. Just so you know, the reputation of this congregation in wider church circles is of a healthy and happy group and I am certainly grateful as your minister.

Just the same, this Christian family has its moments, much like any other family, no matter how balanced it might be. Newcomers don’t always feel that their ideas and suggestions are well received. Long-timers get annoyed that traditions aren’t observed. Some folk feel that there isn’t enough attention when they are missing because of illness or personal hardship. Others get upset when their valuable contributions of time and talent aren’t honoured. And, believe it or not, a whiff of gossip, floats around in the air from time to time.

What we want to do is choose the highroad whenever possible, even in what we might consider the minor tussles of everyday life, so that we have the ability to address the bigger issues that arise with Christian dignity and charity.

Here is the last question this morning. How do we live together as though Christ is teaching us the way of handling our disputes? The gospel writer of Matthew and the apostle Paul reminds us that it is essential to allow Christ to be present with us in the circle of conversation, something we can easily forget in the church.

We begin with our own attitudes. We can genuinely listen to the other and see the other, even if we never agree. We consciously choose to be Christian in our character, even when the feelings are less than warm. We also let Christ into our circle through prayer.

I suppose this is where I should come back to the story I began with today. There was no “Touched By An Angel” happy ending to the story of our secretary’s husband. I must admit that there was never any discussion in the congregation about how we should address the situation, although if someone had suggested excommunication I would have voted in favour! But one day I went to the hospital and saw his name on the list of patients. I braced myself as I walked through the door of his room and said hello. His response was not welcoming. If he could have physically thrown me out he would have and I left without asking if he would like me to pray, something I almost always do with those in hospital. I wasn’t going to return.

One of his friends came to see me, a woman who was like a daughter to this man. She spent time with him daily and asked if I had been in to visit. He told her what had happened and she chastised him for being so rude. I would tell you what she called him but this is a “family show” so I‘ll leave it to your imagination. She pleaded with me to go back, and I did. He was still gruff and difficult, but we did talk. At what I thought was the end of the visit I prayed, which was really awkward. To my surprise he opened up about his anger at God for the death of his wife. I kept going back until he died and while he never came close to apologizing for his behaviour we did talk and pray.

It was when we were face to face and made room for God through prayer that some movement toward reconciliation and healing took place.

Please consider how you can live out the love of Christ, even if your starting place is with prayer to let go of past hurts. It may be deciding that it doesn’t really matter if you are right and the other person is wrong. It could be that you need to say “sorry” or simply take the first step in opening up a conversation.

Whatever it is we need to do, we can choose to “get along” in Christ and to love our neighbour.