St. Paul’s United Church Sunday, February 5, 2006

Final Exit: Death and Life in the 21^st Century

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 John 11:17-44

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Terri Schiavo. That name is one many of us came to know in the year 2005, even though she didn’t fit any of the usual criteria for fame, even by today’s lax standards. Terri Schiavo wasn’t even aware that she was the subject of intense media scrutiny and candlelight vigils and legislation signed by the president of the United States of America, who flew specially to Washington for that purpose.

In 1990, at age twenty six, she suffered severe brain damage which left her in an irreversible coma. Her doctors declared that she was in a “persistent vegetative state,” a more formal sounding term for being “a vegetable,” a term which is descriptive but rather demeaning in my opinion. For years Terri languished in a nursing home room, unable to eat on her own or respond in any meaningful way to those around her.

The attention of the media and many others who had no prior relationship with Terri began when her husband wanted to stop feeding and hydrating her, a decision her parents and other family member resisted strongly. The family was insistent that she was still responsive. Among those who were extremely vocal were religious “pro-life” groups, who described this as indirect murder committed by an unloving husband. In no time politicians became involved. To add to the drama, much of this unfolded during Holy Week and Easter, the time of the year when we commemorate Jesus’ death and resurrection.

Eventually Terri’s husband’s request was granted and days later she died. The autopsy found that Terri’s brain had shrunk to half its original size and she was also blind, supporting the contention that she couldn’t have been aware of others. But, but the debate carried on.

This was truly a bizarre story in which the person in the eye of the storm seemed to disappear except in name. Apparently Terri had been a rather shy woman, but in this state she became a very public figure in a way she probably never would have wanted.

It is hard to know what was really happening in this situation. The drama did point out how intense emotions can become when it comes to matters of death and life. We are usually able to put the issues of our mortality off in a compartment until some circumstance such as serious illness or the prospect of death makes us do a “double-take.”

All living things die on this planet die. All human beings eventually die. According to our scriptures, even God dies. The Christian faith differs from other religions in its powerful and perplexing conviction that God became human in the person of Jesus of Nazareth who died and rose from the dead so that we might have eternal life.

Yet even though we know that “the mortality rate holds steady at one hundred percent” as theologian John Richard Neuhaus had put it, we aren’t all that good at dealing with this reality. As Christians, people of the resurrection, we can be reluctant to address death in any meaningful and helpful way. Another great theologian Woody Allen has said it so well: “I’m not afraid of dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

How comfortable are any of us with the prospect of our Final Exit? I have borrowed the term “final exit” from the title of a controversial book written in the early 1990's as a How-To on ending our lives. We have the medical technology to sustain life beyond anything our grandparents might have imagined. We can come up with a manual on how to facilitate a good death. But there is no pill, no machine, no instruction manual, which can give us the emotional and spiritual resources we need in our crucial moments of death and life.

Well there is no manual unless you include the bible, which doesn’t give a lot of instructions on the end of life, but certainly doesn’t shy away from life and death and eternal life issues. This morning we might have heard from a book of the Older Testament called Ecclesiastes which tells us that there is a season for everything, including both life and death. I have read this passage at the funerals of those who have led long and full lives. But what if we sense that the season of life has been cut short or involves suffering?

We heard a story from the gospel of John this morning which is fascinating in its emotional realism. One of Jesus’s friends, Lazarus, gets sick and for some reason Jesus chooses not to visit him right away. By the time Jesus arrives Lazarus is dead and his friends and family are not happy. We know about the sisters of Lazarus, Mary and Martha from other stories. One is a “doer” and the other is a “dreamer” but in this situation they are on the “same page.” Both chastise Jesus for not coming through when he was needed most.

Jesus cries, the way human beings cry when they lose someone they love. Why? The story ends with Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. He is the One with the power over death. And why does he shed his tears after he has said that he is the resurrection and the life? It is because being human with all its joys, also involves the pain of loss.

We could say that there is a happy ending to the story because Lazarus was raised from the dead. Yet we can assume that this family and circle of friends had to deal with end-of-life issues at some time in the future.

Have you given much thought to all of this? Often we struggle with t how we should respond when serious illness or the prospect of death confront us. And we certainly wish that it could all be straightforward. Countless people have told me that when the end comes they don’t want to be a burden to their families and they don’t want to lose their dignity. What do people say? “If I lose my marbles” or “if I lose my ability to care for myself take me out and shoot me. Put me in a cardboard box and stick me in the ground.” As pleasant as those thoughts are, both options are illegal! We probably all want to simplify what is often a very complex and emotionally charged and spiritually mysterious reality. But our statements about wanting it all be over quickly don’t have much bearing on how our final days will take shape.

During the past couple of years I have been visiting a member of this congregation, a retired farmer, whose health has been gradually failing. He has lived with extremely challenging health issues for more than thirty years but he is now confined to his bed and struggling. It is only through the selfless efforts of his wife and other family members that he is able to stay at home. Not long ago he said to me in barely more than a whisper, “David, when we had sick livestock that couldn’t get better, we put them out of their misery. Why can’t that happen for me?” I certainly understood what he was saying and didn’t want to offer him any platitudes. He just doesn’t want to live this way because it really isn’t living.

As he made these comments, his wife was close at hand. She doesn’t want him to suffer unnecessarily, but she doesn’t want to lose him either, and she has done everything in her power to provide comfort and quality of life.

Part of our challenge is that end-of- life issues are also quality-of-life issues. We are probably all pro-life in some respects, but not at any cost. We do want every person to experience the fullness of life for as long as possible. And I would like to think that as Christians we are also pro-life-to-come because of our resurrection promise. It’s the in-between that can be so ambiguous, so troubling, and even divisive within families. Because our lives are not made-for-television movies with a tidy ending, we have to muddle our way through as best we can, with the love and support of friends and God.

What is our answer then? Perhaps we begin with courage. We need to have the courage to speak with those we love about our “final exit” even if the subject is difficult for us. And it really does need to be an honest and open conversation. Many of you have what is often called a Living Will or End-of-Life Directive which addresses medical care in circumstances where we might be beyond making our own decisions. Bye the way, it might be a good idea to share those instructions and desires with your minister and physician, as well as every family member who might be part of a decision-making process. Having a Living Will is a wise step to take, but it really is only a starting point. Being honest with your family now is one of the most loving and Christian choices you can make.

One winter night, years ago, I stood in an intensive care room in a hospital with a family watching a father and husband die. His brain was still functioning remarkably well but other organs, including his heart were shutting down. The difficult decision was made to discontinue the systems that were keeping him alive.

I looked out the window to see the snow falling heavily and so did this dying man. He struggled to remove his oxygen mask so he could speak to his wife of more than forty years. What did he need to say as the end drew near? He suggested she should put the car in the garage when she got home, and that in the morning she should shovel a path in front of the garage door or the accumulated snow could cause it jump off its track. She promised she would, they expressed their love for another, and then they waited for the end, which came relatively quickly. I have never forgotten that mundane and yet very practical expression of love before the words of love were spoken. It has reminded me many times that we do need to be practical, even when making that choice is uncomfortable.

Well, are you thinking that you come to church for spiritual uplift rather than a nose-dive? This is a heavy topic! The Good News is that we are people of resurrection promise in Christ. In some respects the issues of death and life are different in the twenty first century from those in the first century. In other ways they are very similar. We still affirm that Jesus is the resurrection and the life and so we live in hope.

Hundreds of times I have stood at the edge of a grave as grieving friends and family have gathered together for a final goodbye to a loved one. It is usually an emotional moment but within the committal I say the words: “Fixing our eyes on the cross of Jesus we say again that this is not the end. Our God is the God of the living.”

Christ is with us in life and death and life beyond death. For this we can thank God.