St. Paul’s United Church Sunday, February 19, 2006

Two Shall Become One: The Gift and Challenge of Marriage

Galatians 3:23-28 Matthew 19:3-9

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Over the last month or more I have been speaking about newspaper headlines from the year 2005 which pointed us to social issues which will continue to be important to us as Christians in this year and beyond. So far we have looked at global crises and what has been called compassion fatigue. We have addressed intelligent design and native justice and end-of-life issues.

You actually chose all of these topics when given a list of possibilities. But we still haven’t covered the topic you identified as of greatest interest and perhaps importance, which is same-gender marriage. It may not be the most important topic but it is certainly the one which stirs the greatest emotions. I have to admit to you that when I gave you the opportunity to choose topics I half hoped that same-gender marriage would not interest you. Those of you who are visiting today should pay special attention to what I have to say this morning because If I don’t handle this well, it may be my last Sunday here!

Perhaps the most publicized same-gender union of last year was between the pop musician, Sir Elton John, and David Furnish, a Canadian who grew up in Scarborough. In the strictest sense the ceremony which took place last December wasn’t a marriage because Great Britain has endorsed a form of civil union rather than marriage. Other countries, including Canada and Spain did pass legislation in 2005 which allowed people of the same gender to legally marry one another.

There is no doubt that societal attitudes have changed about persons who are homosexual in their orientation, although there are very different feelings and opinions about this subject within this congregation because we probably reflect society as a whole. Some of you may feel that homosexuality is wrong and a sin – end of story. Some of you may feel that attitudes which exclude homosexuals are wrong and a sin – end of story. In between there is what has been described as the “muddled middle” -- those who aren’t sure what to think. The reality is that a generation ago gays and lesbians would, by and large, make every effort to keep their identity hidden because the possibility of social censure was so great. Today we generally tolerate and even accept, as a matter of human rights, that persons of a different sexual orientation should not be discriminated against in the workplace, and that they can choose their partners without fear of censure.

It is the notion of marriage that is vexing for many. The polls tell us that Canadians are fairly evenly split on the issue of gay marriage. Lots of people who generally endorse the rights of gays and lesbians, still feel that the term “marriage” should be reserved for the union between one man and one woman.

Some Christian leaders warn of the dire outcome of allowing gay marriage. James Dobson, head of the powerful Focus on the Family movement says: “Barring a miracle, the family, as it has been known for more than five millennia will crumble, presaging the fall of Western civilization itself.” Andrew Sullivan, the editor of the New Republic magazine, and gay himself, sees if differently. He is surprised at the resistance and outright hostility to gay marriage because from his standpoint it represents the desire of homosexuals to “buy in” to a heterosexual institution.

What on earth are we supposed to believe? What does the bible say? First of all, we need to acknowledge that there is not a single passage in the bible which endorses the union of two people of the same gender. It’s just not there, and for that matter there is nothing that supports homosexuality in a direct sense – quite the opposite in fact. In Leviticus same-gender sex is described as an abomination, although this is a book of the bible that tells us that disobedient children can be punished by death!

We also need to acknowledge that there are very few passages in the scriptures of Old and New testaments which say much about the nature and meaning of marriage in any form. The apostle Paul suggested that if we can get along without marriage that would be a better choice – hardly a ringing endorsement. Jesus didn’t have much to say about marriage and we have to assume that he wasn’t married, whatever The Da Vinci Code tries to tell us.

Our gospel passage today offers virtually the only occasion in scripture where Jesus addresses marriage, although the discussion really begins on another topic. Religious leaders try to back Jesus into a corner asking a tough question about divorce, not about marriage. And Jesus’ answer is about justice for women. Ironically this teaching has often been used to keep women in marriages that were abusive. It is obvious, though, that Jesus believed in marriage as a holy union before God that shouldn’t be treated lightly. He speaks of the marriage of a man and a woman in what we hope will be a lifelong relationship.

Do we actually have a clear sense of what Christian marriage is? As this whole discussion of same-gender marriage has unfolded, I have done a lot of thinking about the gift and challenge of marriage in general. I have conducted hundreds of wedding ceremonies through the years. In a time when fewer people want to be involved in religious communities a fair number of the requests for marriage come from couples who want as little to do with the church and Christianity as possible. Do you know that I have never once had anyone in a congregation anywhere ask whether a couple I was marrying had a strong faith commitment or whether they were ready to be married. The implicit message seems to be that as long as one of the persons is a woman and the other is a man we will ask no questions about whether the couple sincerely believes that their marriage is a covenant which includes a relationship beyond their own with the God who created them and has brought them together in love.

On the first pastoral charge I served I would visit an elderly couple. This was outport Newfoundland, so the visits were always at the kitchen table. Above the battered sofa along one wall there was a huge crosscut saw, the kind with a handle on each end. It was painted gold and inscribed with the words FIFTY YEARS PULLING TOGETHER, to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary. This saw was a reminder that their marriage had been a cooperative partnership through a lifetime in a number of different aspects. And God had always been part of their life together with both of them very involved in their church.

Why would I speak to you about the nature of heterosexual marriage when addressing the subject of same-gender marriage? What we are asked to decide as the St. Paul’s Christian community is whether the essential aspects of marriage which should include mutual support and respect and abiding love, as well as the covenant before and with God, can also apply to relationships of the same gender, even though scripture does not endorse it.

I’m sure you are wondering, is the minister going to condemn gay marriage or is he going to support it? Here is my answer. You decide! I could tell you what to think this morning and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will make up your own minds, whatever I might say to you. What each of us needs to do is to reach our conclusions prayerfully and in the spirit of the message of new life in Christ.

I will tell you this. I’m convinced that legalized gay marriage will not result in the downfall of marriage as we know it, whatever we feel about it as Christians. That’s just silly fear-mongering. Approximately two to three percent of the population is homosexual, which means that ninety-seven or eight percent is heterosexual. Surely the institution of marriage is not so fragile! Someone has suggested that we should be more concerned with the casual nature of celebrity marriages than with the effects of gay marriage on our society, but that’s another sermon.

Specifically, while I have never received a request, if a same-gender couple wanted to speak to me about marriage I certainly would, and as respectfully as possible. Of course, we don’t have a policy at St. Paul’s and I would never proceed without one.

In the other passage we heard this morning the apostle Paul says that we are “there is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” Paul tells us that in Christ many of the old barriers and distinctions of race and class and even gender are broken down. Jesus, too, invites us to regard one another with different eyes. In every age Christians have been challenged to decide just what this means, often with the result of considerable turmoil and uncertainty, at least for a time.

One thing we can say for sure. This is not some hypothetical subject that has no bearing on our life together. Some of our families have already experienced gay marriages, although not within this church. Some members of this congregation are gay and lesbian, if the general statistics are accurate.

I’ll finish this morning by telling you a story. In the early nineteen nineties I attended the United Church General Council, our national gathering. It turned out that I was assigned to the working group on same-gender unions. Our discussion was challenging but civil. One member of our group was a very vocal male, middle-aged minister from the Maritimes. He was emphatically opposed to same-gender unions and he let us all know. Most of the time he sat next to a woman in ministry of about the same age, and they obviously got along well and even chose to eat some meals together during our breaks. Near the end of the week she took a risk. She told the group that she was a lesbian and she had a partner who lived in another town from the one she lived in out west. They wished that they could be open about their relationship but knew it would mean the end of her ministry.

Our outspoken friend was gobsmacked, to use the British expression. For once he was speechless, at least for a while. She couldn’t be one of them. After our session I could see them talking and when the subject was discussed and debated on the floor of General Council this minister took his place at the microphone. In a very different tone he admitted that while he didn’t know whether he had changed his mind about same-gender relationships, he had been reminded of the importance of compassion as the people of Christ. His comments were very powerful and surprised those who knew him.

That is always where we begin and end as Christians. Even when we can’t agree, we can appreciate that our principles and convictions are rooted in relationships. Our relationship with Christ and our relationships with one another. Marriage is always both gift and challenge and we can ask God to give us direction and hope.