St. Paul’s United Church Sunday, March 9, 2008

Friends – Rev. David Mundy

Ezekiel 37:1-14 John 11:1-45

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Most of us know them even if we weren’t fans of the television sitcom. The six of them were the friends of Friends, a show which ran for ten highly successful seasons and will continue to be with us for eternity through syndication.

All six of the friends, three men and three women, were young, white, very attractive and usually witty. Although they were often unemployed or underemployed they managed to live in spacious, desirable apartments in New York City. Who says television has anything to do with reality! While other people came and went from their lives the show was mostly about their friendship.

The theme song was actually a radio-play hit for a while and contained the line in the chorus, “I’ll be there for you.” But at the height of Friends popularity one critic offered that with friends like these, who needs enemies. He felt that their emotional support for one another seemed rather shallow, and they often competing in virtually every aspect of life. Those of you who watched the show will be aware that these friends are almost never seen doing anything for anyone other than themselves, except when it might make them look good. There is little in the way of genuine kindness or compassion.

There is also a total absence of anything spiritual, probably because they are too young and attractive to care about such things. And with that, God is a non-starter in their lives. While you might say that this was a comedy after all, neighbours and family members die, yet there is no God-talk or awkward funeral. When two of the friends get married one of the others becomes an internet minister and performs the ceremony. No church, no clergy. The friends don’t need the Ultimate Friend because they have one another.

While this fluffy and funny show was never promoted as the definition of what friendship is meant to be, it may have been a strong statement about the time we live in.

This morning we listened to the last passage in a series of stories from the gospel of John during the season of Lent. If you recall, we began with Nicodemus, moved onto the Samaritan woman, heard about a blind man who had his sight restored. All of them were long and involved and somewhat mysterious.

Today we listened to what –forty five verses– about Jesus and his friends. Jesus had friends. We affirm in the Christian church that Jesus was both divine and human, but what does that mean? It must be more than taking on human form and flesh. Surely to be human includes our emotional life, and our ability to develop relationships which are meaningful and life-giving.

The passage for today is from the eleventh chapter of John and I have probably preached on it ten times through the years because it resurfaces regularly in our cycle of scripture passages. It is natural as a dress rehearsal for Easter because one of the people we hear about named Lazarus dies and is raised from the dead by Jesus. It is this aspect of the rather complicated story which gets the most attention and it contains the well-known verse “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever lives and believes in me shall never die.”

There are two phrases in this passage which hit home for me this time around. One is an observation by the writer of the gospel: “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” The sister is Mary.

The other is a direct quotation of Jesus as he speaks to his band of followers whom we call the disciples: ”our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep but I am going there to awaken him.” Our friend. It implies that Jesus is friends with his disciples, a notion which is confirmed later in the gospel when they are around the table for the Last Supper. Together they are friends with Mary and Martha and Lazarus.

While we assume Jesus loved everyone and still loves everyone, there is a sense that he developed special relationships with individuals in the way we do. Those relationships are friendships.

Do you have friends? You probably do and if you feel you don’t, then it’s likely you sense that something very important is missing from your life. Often when we don’t have friends or if friendships are damaged we feel sad and lonely. When we have good friends, we feel that our lives are enriched and if we are smart we try not to take them for granted because they are as precious a gift as we could imagine.

We have actually developed different phrases to describe different kinds of friendship. What is a “fair weather friend?” It’s someone we suspect is around for the good times but can’t be counted on when times are tough. We hear that when people win the lottery they suddenly have more friends and relatives than they know what to do with. We may enjoy the company of certain people because they are vivacious or spontaneous or maybe just the person of the moment but the friendship doesn’t go very deep.

There are also the “true blue” friends. Who knows where that expression comes from, but we understand that a “true blue” friend is the one who stays with us and supports us beyond what would be expected of a casual acquaintance. In the story we heard this morning Thomas wants to be that kind of loyal friend who would do anything for Jesus, including following him into danger. Our deepest friendships often develop when we are in difficult circumstances or they are in crisis and we come through in practical and loving ways.

It’s refreshing that despite the patriarchal society that Jesus lived in, both men and women are identified as his friends. Still we could probably agree that friendship is different for men and women. Not long ago my wife Ruth and I spent some time with another couple who have been friends for many years. She spent some time alone with the female friend while I was with the guy. Later Ruth shared some of their discussion and I was taken aback by how personal and revealing it was. I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and sing loudly. I have known the husband for 25 years and I consider him a fine friend, but we would never have that conversation. Guys just don’t talk about the sort of things they shared! A level of intimacy and openness is generally more characteristic of women’s relationships.

Yet men do find ways to express friendship and – dare I say it – love. Recently a baseball star, pitcher Andy Pettitte of the New York Yankees testified before a hearing looking into the use of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs. Pettitte did something which was really surprising – he told the truth because he felt it was the right thing to do. What a concept! Several of his Yankee teammates flew to be with Pettitte during his testimony, and there was a photo in the paper of star shortstop, Derek Jeter, giving his friend Andy a hug after it was over. Men like to build friendships around a playing a game, or building something, or shooting something. Underneath it all we, like the disciple Thomas, figure loyalty is an essential aspect of our caring for others.

With all this said, is friendship spiritual? I would like to think so, but here is the curious thing. There are actually many references to friends and friendship in scripture but next to nothing which defines what spiritual friendship actually is. Perhaps friendship has to be experienced and lived rather than taught. There are no words or instructions about friendship which could replace actually being a friend. Any true friendship has those qualities of honesty and intimacy and loyalty. A Christian friendship also allows for the possibility of God’s presence in the relationship.

So friends – I use that expression from time to time when I’m speaking to you – so friends, what is the moral of this story for us?

Today we can affirm that Jesus is still a friend and can be our friend if we make the relationship a priority in our lives. In our gospel story it seems that Jesus is a fair weather friend, at least for a time. For some reason Jesus lollygags in responding to the news of Lazarus’ illness and people through the ages have wondered why. Why didn’t he go immediately? Whatever the reason, because of his tardiness, Lazarus goes from being a sick friend to a dead friend. When Jesus eventually shows up in Bethany both Mary and Martha give Jesus the “what for “ because they are sure he could have made a difference. In the face of their grief Jesus is overwhelmed and he cries. He was “greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved.” It’s comforting to know that Jesus was moved in this way because he felt all of the human emotions we experience. Christ is with us in both our joys and our sorrows: “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear . . . ” Jesus is our true-blue friend, if we allow him to be.

None of us can raise a person from the dead, the way Jesus raised Lazarus, but we can revive friendships which may have been neglected. For many of us our spouse is the dearest friend we have, although we don’t always act that way. Perhaps we do what we need to do to honour that friendship rather than taking it for granted. In a time when relationship can be superficial and fleeting we can be different.

We can let others know how much their friendship means to us simply by saying so and we can be there for one another in the ups and downs of daily life. And each of us can be a “soul friend” to use that wonderful Celtic term. Our friends need to know that our relationship with God is important within our relationship with them. In every friendship we bear witness to the abundant life which is our gift in Christ.

All of us can consider what it means to receive and give friendship.

According to the Gospel of John, when Jesus shared his last meal with the disciples and whoever else might have been present he speaks of friendship several times. He says that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for a friend, something he is willing to do.

I do not call you servants any longer because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.

Amen!