St. Paul’s United Church Sunday, May 8, 2011

Beyond a Shadow – Rev. David Mundy

1 Peter 1:3-9 John 20:19-31

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Not long ago one of the Christian journals to which I subscribe published an article which did not name the author. The reason for anonymity was that it was written by a minister who no longer believed in God. The autobiographical article described the author’s struggle with doubt and eventually unbelief. His own wife was unaware that he had lost his faith, and he was afraid that if he were “outed” he would lose his job and no longer be able to provide for his family. So he was the atheist in the pulpit, continuing to lead his flock in a faith he didn’t possess.

The letters in response to this admission were interesting. Some were from other pastors who shared a similar dilemma. Others were from lay people who were shocked at the deceit of preaching the gospel, the Good News one no longer believes. There was some sympathy expressed as well.

This may or may not surprise you but when you stop to think of it clergy are as vulnerable to both doubt and disbelief as anyone else because we are human despite our vocation. I say doubt and disbelief because they are not the same thing. Doubt is a state of indecision while disbelief is the opposite of belief.

It may be that ministers or pastors or priests are even more susceptible to both of them because of what we live with and experience from day to day. We are called upon to pray for people in the most difficult circumstances of life and from time to time wonder who is listening and responding to those prayers.

We study and ponder some of the most perplexing questions of faith and we regularly wonder why bad things happen to good people. There have been times when the suffering of others in both body and spirit has haunted me for months.

We sit with people who express doubts at time and on occasion we say “good one!”

And clergy stand in the pulpits of churches week in and week out looking out at what have become diminishing flocks in many denominations. Fighting the good fight becomes harder and while losing faith altogether may be unusual, doubt happens.

Here’s the thing. Ministers in most denominations get bereavement leave when they lose a loved one. They are granted parental leave when a child is born. Enlightened churches such as ours provide stress or restorative leave. But there is no such animal as “doubt leave” for ministers. How would we explain that to a ministry and personnel committee and how would they, in turn, explain it to you? Living “beyond a shadow of a doubt” is just not that easy.

Most years the Sunday after Easter is the one where we allow ourselves to consider the shadowy but important subject of doubt. The week before, we declare our trust in the God of life and celebrate the resurrection of Christ. Then we hear about one of the disciples, Thomas, who has strong and practical doubts about the resurrection and isn’t afraid to express them. Thomas is a featured disciple in the gospel of John, showing up several times as a fearless supporter of Jesus, ready to follow him anywhere.

But his practicality may have been behind his skepticism about the resurrection. C’mon! When people die, they die. In the gospel story we heard a few moments ago Jesus appears to ten of the disciples on the evening that his tomb is discovered empty. Judas has already taken his own life and for reasons which aren’t explained to us Thomas is not with the others. He spouts the famous or infamous words: “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

That’s fairly clear, wouldn’t you agree? Thomas is an honest and forthright doubter, at least for the moment. A week later, Jesus appears to them again, and this time Thomas is present. Jesus offers him the opportunity to do just what he asked, and says “do not doubt, but believe.” Thomas responds by declaring “my Lord and my God!”

It’s likely that this story in John wasn’t just intended to recount the events of the first week after the resurrection. This gospel was written fifty or sixty years after the events, so it serves as a reassurance to a second generation of Christians who have their own questions and doubts.

It may seem a bit odd to be talking about doubt on Mother’s Day because if there is anyone the majority of us trust beyond a doubt it is our mom’s! Doubt is real, just the same.

Through the years I have had many conversations with people who are deeply affected by doubt and sometimes feel like frauds sitting in church on Sunday mornings. It is often a great relief for them to discover that doubt is actually very common. Why? Why can’t we just believe beyond a shadow of a doubt? Because we are thinking and feeling people. To doubt isn’t necessarily a sign of weakness. It can be part of our spiritual growing pains. If we aren’t willing to “let doubt make its case” as someone has put it, we run the danger of adopting the sort of faith that leads people to arrogance, hatred, and dangerous convictions. Some of the most annoying people I have ever met are those who have no doubts, because they have no humility and little interest in dialogue.

At the same time we need to understand that there is no great virtue in doubt. We live in a time when there is a growing contempt for faith, and what I feel is a rather silly and dangerous reductionism which says that the only things we can trust are what we can touch and feel. In some churches doubt is presented as “progressive” and sophisticated.

In a book called Faith and Doubt John Ortberg makes these wise observations:

Some people choose doubt. But doubt is not always the best strategy…Theologian Leslie Newbigin writes that we live in an age that favours doubt over faith. We often speak of "blind faith" and "honest doubt." Both faith and doubt can be honest or blind, but we rarely speak of "honest faith" or "blind doubt." Both faith and doubt are needed, yet it is faith that is more fundamental. Even if I doubt something, I must believe there are criteria by which it can be judged. I must believe something before I can doubt anything. Doubt is to belief what darkness is to light, what sickness is to health. It is an absence. Sickness may be the absence of health, but health is more than the absence of sickness. So it is with doubt and faith. Doubt is a good servant but a poor master.

Doubt is useful for a while…. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the cross, 'My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?' then surely we are permitted doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.

The doubt which becomes a philosophy for life is what we often call skepticism. And I don’t know about you, but I quickly weary of people who are perpetually skeptical. In the end we all believe in something, we all make leaps of faith in order to be healthy and whole, including the love of family. We don’t usually say that we “believe” in our families or our mothers and fathers. We hope that we can trust them, though, and rest in that trust. Eventually Thomas trusted that Jesus was still with him, still the source of life.

Do we ever get to the place where we trust beyond a shadow of a doubt? Probably not, and we need to recognize that this is so.

Just before the beginning of Lent this year I heard an interview with a young musician who is combining his music and his Islamic faith to promote peace in Muslim countries. He is a charming young man who has great conviction about what he is doing. The interviewer commented on the depth of his faith, and wondered if he ever had doubts. “Of course I do” he exclaimed, “In my house faith and doubt have breakfast together every morning!” But he was quick to add that he is guided by his faith.

As Christians we must assume that even though faith and doubt may share the same table in our households, it is our faith in the Risen One which is our strength. All of us have experienced doubts, sometimes deep and faith-shaking doubts during your lifetime. There have been real-life, everyday circumstances which have rattled everything we once trusted. We are like Thomas in that we want to believe but disappointment or grief have left us uncertain or bereft.

But here is the wonderful reality. There are many of you who have journeyed through those experiences and emerged on the other side with a faith that is actually stronger, not just a matter of the intellect but rooted deep in your hearts, deep in your emotional core. It is a sign of God’s grace that faith can be born and reborn out of the deepest loss.

So faith is a gift to us in Christ, the light which illuminates the dark corners of our doubt. At the same time we have a responsibility as the gathered disciples to address our doubts as thoroughly as we can. Thomas has his experience of the Risen Christ in the company of others and we will as well. I can’t help but wonder if the pastor who wrote the article I mentioned to begin with today had his faith slip away because he was isolated, unwilling to admit to others the depth of his struggles. When we come together in study and discussion groups we have the opportunity to ponder, to test, to grow, and to be renewed in faith. When we worship we not only listen, we declare the goodness of God.

Chances are good that a number of you are in that murky world of uncertainty and doubt this morning. Christ can come to us, today, not in a physical manifestation but in the spiritual encounter where we hear the words “peace be with you” and the assurance “blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” We can trust in that abiding presence.

I will leave you today with a portion of a poem called The Younger Brother of Thomas by Heather Murray Elkins. It is the brother of Thomas speaking, and he admits that doubt runs in the family:

Thomas didn’t buy it.

I wouldn’t have either.

Never listen to an eyewitness.

Get the facts firsthand.

Don’t settle for someone

you can’t get a hold of.

But then this ghost or hoax appeared and called his name.

Thomas took one look

and thought that he’d seen God.

He didn’t really touch him, see.

But doubting Thomas believes.

We can move out of the shadow of doubt. Thanks be to God!